Each mistake a bullet
And my gun's fully loaded
My mistakes holding me captive
I try to forget them, and put the past away
But glimpses from the past remind me of my flaws
Banding me like a scarlet letter pinned to my chest
Like scars on my soul, ones that are only visible to me
I relive the pain everyday and now I live for it
I live for the pain each day brings me, for I've accepted my fate
Pain has become my drug of life, taking it in hit after hit
For every one of my mistakes haunts me
And the harsh reality is the more I try and let go the tighter my grip gets
Each mistake a layer of myself, I try to peel away
But instead it feeds on me like prey
Tearing me apart with its vicious fangs
Each of my mistakes a wolf in the pack
Or a bullet in the gun
Either one ready to take me away
But I won't let them, I won't give up that easy
I'll face my mistakes head on and wipe my slate clean
'Cause when I wake up each morning I'll be renewed
Freed from the chains of my mistakes
Ready for the new beginning brought by the new day.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Parody, shmarody.
Parody to Drake's "Best I Ever Had" video, which sucked. Check it out on YouTube for yourself if you don't believe me but you mine as well take my word for it. Actually you should watch it cause the parody will make more sense, but anyways here it is for your enjoyment.
I pretty much spent half of my day watching YouTube vidoes. I need a life. Someone save me!!
I pretty much spent half of my day watching YouTube vidoes. I need a life. Someone save me!!
The Silver Lining.
Is there one? Cause I don't fuckin' see it.
Many of the things I've learned in my short life:
- Grow up, and get over it.
- Don't run away from your problems, man up and face them!
- Don't protect those who don't deserve it.
- Don't let anyone force you (or force yourself) to grow up faster then you need to.
- Never go back to the bullshit that you probably left for a good reason in the first place. Or the people you left.
- The bad memories are the hardest to forget.
- Be stronger then those who THINK they can harm you; physically, mentally, however.
- If you want something done (or done right) do it YOURSELF!
- Don't trust anyone, because no one is trustworthy.
- Don't sell yourself short, you probably deserve better.
- If you're unhappy step up and do something about it.
- Never give your heart away unless you want it back in pieces.
FUCK liars!
So today was pretty good, then pretty shitty, then good, then shitty. I'm a big ball of fuckin' emotion today. So funny how I said I wouldn't be posting anything after this morning but I posted like 3 things today.
Many of the things I've learned in my short life:
- Grow up, and get over it.
- Don't run away from your problems, man up and face them!
- Don't protect those who don't deserve it.
- Don't let anyone force you (or force yourself) to grow up faster then you need to.
- Never go back to the bullshit that you probably left for a good reason in the first place. Or the people you left.
- The bad memories are the hardest to forget.
- Be stronger then those who THINK they can harm you; physically, mentally, however.
- If you want something done (or done right) do it YOURSELF!
- Don't trust anyone, because no one is trustworthy.
- Don't sell yourself short, you probably deserve better.
- If you're unhappy step up and do something about it.
- Never give your heart away unless you want it back in pieces.
FUCK liars!
So today was pretty good, then pretty shitty, then good, then shitty. I'm a big ball of fuckin' emotion today. So funny how I said I wouldn't be posting anything after this morning but I posted like 3 things today.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Without you, temporarily. *Updated!!
I lied, I am posting something else today. This song that I found thanks to Safiaaaaa at Thinkers Reverie.
"Every night I remember that event the way you looked when you said you were leaving... And I'm a little bit lost without you, and I'm a bloody big mess inside, and I'm a little bit lost without you."
He left on a plane to Florida this morning. We said our goodbyes last night. He doesn't know when he'll be back but it'll be a while. I already miss you and you haven't even been gone 24 hours. :(
But yay for best friends and cheer up seshs that really don't include doing much but chillin' at the house. Still, she's awesome.
And this song because Britt. Who is not only my best friend but a blog writer at this place. (:
"Every night I remember that event the way you looked when you said you were leaving... And I'm a little bit lost without you, and I'm a bloody big mess inside, and I'm a little bit lost without you."
He left on a plane to Florida this morning. We said our goodbyes last night. He doesn't know when he'll be back but it'll be a while. I already miss you and you haven't even been gone 24 hours. :(
But yay for best friends and cheer up seshs that really don't include doing much but chillin' at the house. Still, she's awesome.
And this song because Britt. Who is not only my best friend but a blog writer at this place. (:
FL is a happiness theif.
He's leaving on a plane right now. I'm sad.
That's all I'll be posting today.
"When she walks outside she brightens up the day. Oh boy she don't play around. She took me all the way." - B.D.
That's all I'll be posting today.
"When she walks outside she brightens up the day. Oh boy she don't play around. She took me all the way." - B.D.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Promises, promises.
So, here is that picture I promised you. Which is surprising since I have problems with keeping promises.
Nothin' special, it was just a picture in the car on our way back home. I wasn't smiling and I realize what a junk picture this is now. So I'll counteract it with this one...
Left to right : Brittney, me, Brandy and Richelle
This ones from one night during Spring Break. A interesting night that no one probably expected to go so well.
Nothin' special, it was just a picture in the car on our way back home. I wasn't smiling and I realize what a junk picture this is now. So I'll counteract it with this one...
Left to right : Brittney, me, Brandy and RichelleHashhhhh.
Alright, so like I said in my last post two days ago, I'm sorry for the lack of regularity in my posting. I'll get back on track.
Today I spent the day with the people I love most in this world, the Badayos' 'Ohana and my boyfriend. (: They make me very happy and I enjoyed my day. We went to the beach and just enjoyed ourselves. I didn't do much suntanning because I'm already pretty burnt and starting to peel. I'll post the one picture I took later because I'm on my phone right now and can't pix message it while I'm on a phone call. Damn, I need an iPhone. lol. We pretty much spent the whole day talking about crazy things that you only talk about with Brittney (well pretty much) and eating lots and lots of good food. Cause Aunty Cyn isn't gonna let you be anywhere near anorexic near her. lol. Uncle Gil went picking Ogo and gave me lots to take home to my uncle, we'll see what he makes of it tomorrow.
I have a bad habit of using crappy transitions like "anyways" or "moving on," I need to work on that.
It's pretty late on Sunday night right now, almost Monday morning. That doesn't leave much time till my boyfriend leaves on a three month vacation. :( :( :( Im'ma miss that kid, lots. "Ur really the only logical choice." Oh how I hate that txt speak he uses, I try not to use it. Although I do use certain vernacular in my txt messaging, but it's just to get my feelings across correctly. It's really easy to misinterpret things in a txt message and using certain vernacular helps solve that problem a little bit. I much prefer a phone call but I also prefer to keep my bill low, so with unlimited txting sometimes it's better to just txt.
But I'm totally going off topic, I brought up his txt because he told me I was a logical choice for him. I frown at his choice of words. I don't believe love is very logical, actually I believe logic really doesn't have much to do with love. Enough talk of love and logic though. I really just wanna talk about how long 3 months sounds and how sad I'll be to not have him around all the time even if he does irritate me sometimes and infuriate me at others. Most times we do get along well.
Sad, sad, sad. I don't want to be sad. I'm actually pretty excited for his trip. Hope you come back clear headed and ready for the future deary. Speaking of the future, I'm very, very excited for mine. In about two months I will be a high school graduate of the class of 2010 and two months after that I'll be an entering freshmen at UH Manoa. What could be more exciting then moving to a new island and becoming a little more independent. NOTHING I say. Or nothing I've experienced quite yet, I've got lot's of living to do though.
Oh, an update from my other post, I did end up trying a Dark Cherry Mocha Frap at Starbucks with Brittney. I actually really, really liked it and I feel like a fatty for reviewing a Starbucks drink that's probably like three meals worth in calories but oh well.
It's getting late, my laptop is going to die soon so this is the end. Have a great Monday everyone doing whatever it is you do on Mondays. As for me, I'm still on Spring Break and I'll still be waking up early to go to "work" and then to my grandma's house. Oh what a joy. Hopefully I'll see my fave boy tomorrow before he gets ready for his little odyssey. And hopefully this sunburnpeelingness goes away very, very quickly.
P.S. Yay, I now have 11 followers. (: (: (:
Today I spent the day with the people I love most in this world, the Badayos' 'Ohana and my boyfriend. (: They make me very happy and I enjoyed my day. We went to the beach and just enjoyed ourselves. I didn't do much suntanning because I'm already pretty burnt and starting to peel. I'll post the one picture I took later because I'm on my phone right now and can't pix message it while I'm on a phone call. Damn, I need an iPhone. lol. We pretty much spent the whole day talking about crazy things that you only talk about with Brittney (well pretty much) and eating lots and lots of good food. Cause Aunty Cyn isn't gonna let you be anywhere near anorexic near her. lol. Uncle Gil went picking Ogo and gave me lots to take home to my uncle, we'll see what he makes of it tomorrow.
I have a bad habit of using crappy transitions like "anyways" or "moving on," I need to work on that.
It's pretty late on Sunday night right now, almost Monday morning. That doesn't leave much time till my boyfriend leaves on a three month vacation. :( :( :( Im'ma miss that kid, lots. "Ur really the only logical choice." Oh how I hate that txt speak he uses, I try not to use it. Although I do use certain vernacular in my txt messaging, but it's just to get my feelings across correctly. It's really easy to misinterpret things in a txt message and using certain vernacular helps solve that problem a little bit. I much prefer a phone call but I also prefer to keep my bill low, so with unlimited txting sometimes it's better to just txt.
But I'm totally going off topic, I brought up his txt because he told me I was a logical choice for him. I frown at his choice of words. I don't believe love is very logical, actually I believe logic really doesn't have much to do with love. Enough talk of love and logic though. I really just wanna talk about how long 3 months sounds and how sad I'll be to not have him around all the time even if he does irritate me sometimes and infuriate me at others. Most times we do get along well.
Sad, sad, sad. I don't want to be sad. I'm actually pretty excited for his trip. Hope you come back clear headed and ready for the future deary. Speaking of the future, I'm very, very excited for mine. In about two months I will be a high school graduate of the class of 2010 and two months after that I'll be an entering freshmen at UH Manoa. What could be more exciting then moving to a new island and becoming a little more independent. NOTHING I say. Or nothing I've experienced quite yet, I've got lot's of living to do though.
Oh, an update from my other post, I did end up trying a Dark Cherry Mocha Frap at Starbucks with Brittney. I actually really, really liked it and I feel like a fatty for reviewing a Starbucks drink that's probably like three meals worth in calories but oh well.
It's getting late, my laptop is going to die soon so this is the end. Have a great Monday everyone doing whatever it is you do on Mondays. As for me, I'm still on Spring Break and I'll still be waking up early to go to "work" and then to my grandma's house. Oh what a joy. Hopefully I'll see my fave boy tomorrow before he gets ready for his little odyssey. And hopefully this sunburnpeelingness goes away very, very quickly.
P.S. Yay, I now have 11 followers. (: (: (:
Friday, March 19, 2010
Yes, I know.
I've been slacking majorly in the bloggin' and I've really can't say I'm all that busy. I just don't have much to write about these days. So hopefully this isn't super duper lame.
I've gone to the beach for three days in a row, it is soooo nice. Everyday is a sweeter day then the one before. Except for the sunburn, that's horrendous. I've been spending A LOT (like all of those three days) with my boyfriend at the beach since he'll be leaving for Florida on Tuesday for a two month long trip. :( :( :( It kinda sucks but it's kinda good. Moving on though because thinking about it makes me sadish.
I've been kinda baby sitting my cousin all week (Spring Break dontcha' know?). It's kind of sucked. She's irritating, slightly and she won't let me have 5 seconds to myself. Ahhhh, I just about killed the child when she misbehaved all day then made me buy her shave ice. Whatevers though, like you wanna read all this complaining.
LOCAL BOYS SHAVE ICE!! (: Yummmm. Yesterday I got some, all red raspberry with Kauai cream. Yum, yum, yum, yum!! I love Local Boys. lol. If you ever come to Maui (for those of you who don't live here) you've gotta try it. You'll love it. I'm gonna miss it when I go to O'ahu this summer.
Oh summer. I'm kind of excited in a scared way for that. It's getting so close which means graduation is getting so close, which means college is getting so close. Oh I could go on forever. lol. But I'll stop there. I've got a lot of planning to do still. I haven't done much. Only sent in my intent to register with my check. I haven't filled out any other finicial aid or housing or anything. I'm majorily falling behind and it'll cause so much stress in the near future. WHATEVER though, I need to enjoy myself for a little while. I've been way to strung out for way to long.
Hope this was worth reading, I'll be back soon. I promise.
I've gone to the beach for three days in a row, it is soooo nice. Everyday is a sweeter day then the one before. Except for the sunburn, that's horrendous. I've been spending A LOT (like all of those three days) with my boyfriend at the beach since he'll be leaving for Florida on Tuesday for a two month long trip. :( :( :( It kinda sucks but it's kinda good. Moving on though because thinking about it makes me sadish.
I've been kinda baby sitting my cousin all week (Spring Break dontcha' know?). It's kind of sucked. She's irritating, slightly and she won't let me have 5 seconds to myself. Ahhhh, I just about killed the child when she misbehaved all day then made me buy her shave ice. Whatevers though, like you wanna read all this complaining.
LOCAL BOYS SHAVE ICE!! (: Yummmm. Yesterday I got some, all red raspberry with Kauai cream. Yum, yum, yum, yum!! I love Local Boys. lol. If you ever come to Maui (for those of you who don't live here) you've gotta try it. You'll love it. I'm gonna miss it when I go to O'ahu this summer.
Oh summer. I'm kind of excited in a scared way for that. It's getting so close which means graduation is getting so close, which means college is getting so close. Oh I could go on forever. lol. But I'll stop there. I've got a lot of planning to do still. I haven't done much. Only sent in my intent to register with my check. I haven't filled out any other finicial aid or housing or anything. I'm majorily falling behind and it'll cause so much stress in the near future. WHATEVER though, I need to enjoy myself for a little while. I've been way to strung out for way to long.
Hope this was worth reading, I'll be back soon. I promise.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Excuses, excuses.
I know you don't wanna hear them buuuuuuuuuuut here it is. I did not go through with my promise post of whatever I got because I'm lazy, I won't even lie. That's the only reason. We'll pretty much.
Moving on.
This weekend was a doosy and I won't even go in to it but if I did it'd probably be the best Anti-Teenage-Drinking (maybe, even anti-drinking period) ad ever created. EVER. The rest of the BBQ (before I became covered in puke, yes, I did say puke) was pretty sweet. Shebs mom made awesome food and we all were just enjoying ourselves. I hope we got some good pictures from that night, I'll be looking forward to seeing those. (P.S. Thanks Shelb!! Have fun in Cali!)
Today I took my lil cuz down to Tutti Frutti to go get some Fro-Yo. It was yummy of course but it was slightly ruined by the rude man that walked in with his son not to much later. I hate people who are rude in public especially around young children. Do you really think that your child won't immitate you? REALLY? You idiot. I could raise a child a bit better then you and I'm 17. I'm so irritated with rude people. Pet peeve much.
On a happier note I'm excited to go to the beach tomorrow. I love Kihei, I love the beach and (sometimes) I love the sun. (: So all that love = excitement. Maybe I'll even take pictures, because my blogs been lackin in the photography department.
Two more things and I'm out. 1. Starbucks has a new drink: Dark Cherry Mocha. I was gonna try it today but I'm one of those people that eat,drink,buy,w/e the same things over and over and over again till I about puke so I stuck with the Iced Chai but I'd like to try this. The barista said it was good, but I'm still unsure. Let me know if you try it!! (: And 2. You can still send requests (or comment them) because I want more. lol. Thanks!
So Spring Break is starting out pretty well if I do say so myself. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves as well!! (:
Moving on.
This weekend was a doosy and I won't even go in to it but if I did it'd probably be the best Anti-Teenage-Drinking (maybe, even anti-drinking period) ad ever created. EVER. The rest of the BBQ (before I became covered in puke, yes, I did say puke) was pretty sweet. Shebs mom made awesome food and we all were just enjoying ourselves. I hope we got some good pictures from that night, I'll be looking forward to seeing those. (P.S. Thanks Shelb!! Have fun in Cali!)
Today I took my lil cuz down to Tutti Frutti to go get some Fro-Yo. It was yummy of course but it was slightly ruined by the rude man that walked in with his son not to much later. I hate people who are rude in public especially around young children. Do you really think that your child won't immitate you? REALLY? You idiot. I could raise a child a bit better then you and I'm 17. I'm so irritated with rude people. Pet peeve much.
On a happier note I'm excited to go to the beach tomorrow. I love Kihei, I love the beach and (sometimes) I love the sun. (: So all that love = excitement. Maybe I'll even take pictures, because my blogs been lackin in the photography department.
Two more things and I'm out. 1. Starbucks has a new drink: Dark Cherry Mocha. I was gonna try it today but I'm one of those people that eat,drink,buy,w/e the same things over and over and over again till I about puke so I stuck with the Iced Chai but I'd like to try this. The barista said it was good, but I'm still unsure. Let me know if you try it!! (: And 2. You can still send requests (or comment them) because I want more. lol. Thanks!
So Spring Break is starting out pretty well if I do say so myself. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves as well!! (:
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Followers Shmollers.
OH MY GOD.
Yay. (:
I have one new follower, bringing my total up to 9. I'm not trying to be a followerwhore (or maybe I am, I liked to be noticed) but I'm excited because of it. My face was like this --> :DDD when I saw the "9 Followers" on my dashboard after logging in only hours ago and still seeing that "8". Kind of a pathetic number when you think about it. I follow at least twice that number, maybe even three times. x.x
Well as a semi-new blogger I'm happy with that and hopefully it'll keep growing.
So this post is thanks to Elena. And I would normally try and link this post to her blog but I can't seem to figure out which one is hers since blogger will not let me get to her profile. Cause blogger kind of sucks. Shhhhh, don't tell them I said that. They might f*ck up my blog. lol. But I'm stuck. So here's to Elena my new follower (sorry no link, love), and to all my old ones as well. (:
Since I'm a broke teenager I figured a gift or a drawing was out of the question, for now, but I did decide I would give all my awesome followers the chance to either:
1. Ask me questions
2. Request a post about a certain something
3. Give me a writing prompt
OR
4. Whatever else you can come up with since I am in no way creative.
There you go and here's my email juskaulani@gmail.com or hit up the comment box if you'd rather. The best (or all since there won't be much I'm sure) will be posted on my blog. Since I kind of like to be organized let's make the deadline Sunday. So by Sunday send me your 1, 2s, 3s, or 4s and hopefully I'll have it up by Monday afternoon.
Oh and also, congratulate me for making it on to the "I Like That" Page in Creative Writing, well only if you'd like to. It's our way of honoring the best writer on a certain assignment. Here's the link, go check it out!! (:
Thanks, thanks and have a nice weekend all! (:
Yay. (:
I have one new follower, bringing my total up to 9. I'm not trying to be a followerwhore (or maybe I am, I liked to be noticed) but I'm excited because of it. My face was like this --> :DDD when I saw the "9 Followers" on my dashboard after logging in only hours ago and still seeing that "8". Kind of a pathetic number when you think about it. I follow at least twice that number, maybe even three times. x.x
Well as a semi-new blogger I'm happy with that and hopefully it'll keep growing.
So this post is thanks to Elena. And I would normally try and link this post to her blog but I can't seem to figure out which one is hers since blogger will not let me get to her profile. Cause blogger kind of sucks. Shhhhh, don't tell them I said that. They might f*ck up my blog. lol. But I'm stuck. So here's to Elena my new follower (sorry no link, love), and to all my old ones as well. (:
Since I'm a broke teenager I figured a gift or a drawing was out of the question, for now, but I did decide I would give all my awesome followers the chance to either:
1. Ask me questions
2. Request a post about a certain something
3. Give me a writing prompt
OR
4. Whatever else you can come up with since I am in no way creative.
There you go and here's my email juskaulani@gmail.com or hit up the comment box if you'd rather. The best (or all since there won't be much I'm sure) will be posted on my blog. Since I kind of like to be organized let's make the deadline Sunday. So by Sunday send me your 1, 2s, 3s, or 4s and hopefully I'll have it up by Monday afternoon.
Oh and also, congratulate me for making it on to the "I Like That" Page in Creative Writing, well only if you'd like to. It's our way of honoring the best writer on a certain assignment. Here's the link, go check it out!! (:
Thanks, thanks and have a nice weekend all! (:
Happy ThursdayFriday!
You say you fight for what's closest to your heart but it doesn't seem like you're fighting for much. Don't underestimate your hearts desires.
^ Iron Jawed Angles inspired that. Kind of. Even if I thought the movie sucked. ^
Anyways, today is Friday, okay well it's Thursday but there is NO school tomorrow so today is like a Friday. On top of that it's the last ThursdayFridayThing before our 2 week Spring Break!! Stoked? Of course! (: I'm so stoked I've been counting down the hours (5 1/2 right now).
Don't got many plans for the break as of now. Kind of bummed I'm not going on Close-Up anymore, but oh well. A trip to DC was to expensive for a girl who got disowned (cough,cough) by her dad. So, a Staycation on Maui it is. Tomorrow's already a Brittney day because she's an idiot and didn't turn in her internship binder yet. Then Saturday, a friend is having a BYOB kind of party. That shall be fun. Then the 20th is saved for the Ali Campbell concert out in Lahaina. Other then that, I've got nothing planned but I know I'll be doing a lot of beach, mall and Swinging Bridges days. So, hit me up!! (:
While all the excitement of Spring Break has got me on my toes, I'm still feeling a little sick but DayQuil is really a life saver. Makes you pretty hyper since it's non-drowsy and I don't feel as sick as I did last night. Cause last night sucked, hardcore. DayQuil should so give me money for advertising for them, even if I only have 8 followers. I bet they google DayQuil constantly just toi see what's on the internet about them. Then they'll find my blog and be all "Wow, this girl mentioned us multiple times, let's give her lot's of money!" I'm not counting on that happening, but hey it was worth a shot.
Anyways, Happy ThursdayFriday!! (:
^ Iron Jawed Angles inspired that. Kind of. Even if I thought the movie sucked. ^
Anyways, today is Friday, okay well it's Thursday but there is NO school tomorrow so today is like a Friday. On top of that it's the last ThursdayFridayThing before our 2 week Spring Break!! Stoked? Of course! (: I'm so stoked I've been counting down the hours (5 1/2 right now).
Don't got many plans for the break as of now. Kind of bummed I'm not going on Close-Up anymore, but oh well. A trip to DC was to expensive for a girl who got disowned (cough,cough) by her dad. So, a Staycation on Maui it is. Tomorrow's already a Brittney day because she's an idiot and didn't turn in her internship binder yet. Then Saturday, a friend is having a BYOB kind of party. That shall be fun. Then the 20th is saved for the Ali Campbell concert out in Lahaina. Other then that, I've got nothing planned but I know I'll be doing a lot of beach, mall and Swinging Bridges days. So, hit me up!! (:
While all the excitement of Spring Break has got me on my toes, I'm still feeling a little sick but DayQuil is really a life saver. Makes you pretty hyper since it's non-drowsy and I don't feel as sick as I did last night. Cause last night sucked, hardcore. DayQuil should so give me money for advertising for them, even if I only have 8 followers. I bet they google DayQuil constantly just toi see what's on the internet about them. Then they'll find my blog and be all "Wow, this girl mentioned us multiple times, let's give her lot's of money!" I'm not counting on that happening, but hey it was worth a shot.
Anyways, Happy ThursdayFriday!! (:
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Droplets of Gold.
Her eyes speak silence, her lips speak lies.
The contradicting ideas you're receiving,
Your thoughts just there to please you.
You think what you want and it seizes you
Bringing fourth tears, like droplets of gold.
Unexpected realization that the end is no where near
No matter what you'll have to face the days to come,
Unless you chose otherwise.
And in that case, actions speak louder then words, my dear.
The contradicting ideas you're receiving,
Your thoughts just there to please you.
You think what you want and it seizes you
Bringing fourth tears, like droplets of gold.
Unexpected realization that the end is no where near
No matter what you'll have to face the days to come,
Unless you chose otherwise.
And in that case, actions speak louder then words, my dear.
Love, love, love, love.
I use that word way to much. I love this. I love that. I love you. I love him. I kinda wish I could just strike it from my vocabulary and find a better way to explain my affection towards things. Love is just so easy, I can tell you I love you or I can tell you that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, that you make me so happy and make me feel so important. I prefer the latter.
It makes me wish I was still a little kid and that saying the word love didn't mean what it does now. Innocent and blissful. I miss feeling like that. Where everything made you happy and nothing really made you to upset. Where the biggest drama was who got to pick the TV show or who had to be out first for tag. Life is getting harder and my choices aren't making it any easier on me.
So what's am I saying? That I need to make better choices? Yeah, probably.
It makes me wish I was still a little kid and that saying the word love didn't mean what it does now. Innocent and blissful. I miss feeling like that. Where everything made you happy and nothing really made you to upset. Where the biggest drama was who got to pick the TV show or who had to be out first for tag. Life is getting harder and my choices aren't making it any easier on me.
So what's am I saying? That I need to make better choices? Yeah, probably.
Friday, March 5, 2010
E-Z, P-Z, Lemon Squeezy.
"If I could take back every word I would and more fo sho. If I thought that you'd believe it." - My Place, Nelly
Sometimes I wish I had a redo button. (An easy button would be nice too but that's for another post.) I shouldn't have told you as much as I do. I wanna start over. Erase everything from the beginning and start over. Actually I don't but sometimes there are somethings I wish I held back. I'm sure you feel the same.
^ That was sitting in my drafts, so there you go. ^
Anyways, today's pretty lame for a Friday. Maybe it's because school is lame or I'm lame. Not quite sure, you can pick. Either way, I've been on weekend mode since Tuesday night and doing any work this block is not gonna happen whatsoever, hence this post. I'm kind of irritated with school already. It's getting way to close to the end. "About 2 1/2 months :( You can do it baby!" What a good boyfriend. (: My grades were real good (mind you I exclude my math class from that statement) up until recently. I've been slacking hard core and if Senioristis was a real disease I would have had a doctors appointment and a perscription by now. Hopefully none of my grades drop below A's. I like A's. I dislike B's when I know I can get better. As of yesterday I have 3 A's and 1 B. The B in economics. How lame since that is my best class. Math is still a dissapointment but it's up 2%. Is that any good? Not really, but it's a slight improvement and maybe if I keep slightly improving by next Friday I'll have at least a high enough grade to pass the class.
Enough about school because it depresses me. Today Tim Burton's new Alice in Wonderland movie comes out. And for those of you who don't already know, it's not the original remade like when Tim Burton remade Willy Wonka. This is a whole new story where Alice is about to get married and somehow (I haven't seen it so I don't know the details) goes back to Wonderland. I dislike Tim Burton movies, any one I'd ever seen. The Nightmare Before Christmas and the new Willy Wonka are two movies I won't watch by choice. So I'm debating whether or not I will succumb to seeing the Alice in Wonderland movie that was released in theatres today. This wasn't really suppose to be a review or anything but if you've got opinions my comment "box" is always open.
So I hope everyone's Friday is more enjoyable then mine has started.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Senioritis.
I've got a bad case of it, especially today.
I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I didn't want to dawn this uniform today. I didn't want to get in the car. or the bus. I didn't want to get off the bus. I didn't want to sing at song practice or watch the movie in first block. I didn't want to catch up on my missed work from not being in school yesterday. I didn't want to take that Econ quiz that I probably failed. (There goes my 'A'.) I don't want to start my Econ essay and I didn't want to finish my "dominant childhood impressions" essay, but that I did. Finished the essay, not started the other one. I don't want to read Chapter 2 of the Lili'uokalani book before 3rd block. And I really don't want to go to 4th block.
All I really wanted to do today was stay home sick, in my sweats, lay in Taylor's bed all day, watch TV and eat some ice cream to soothe my sore throat and maybe talk to my best friend and my boyfriend a little.
Today's not a good day.
I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I didn't want to dawn this uniform today. I didn't want to get in the car. or the bus. I didn't want to get off the bus. I didn't want to sing at song practice or watch the movie in first block. I didn't want to catch up on my missed work from not being in school yesterday. I didn't want to take that Econ quiz that I probably failed. (There goes my 'A'.) I don't want to start my Econ essay and I didn't want to finish my "dominant childhood impressions" essay, but that I did. Finished the essay, not started the other one. I don't want to read Chapter 2 of the Lili'uokalani book before 3rd block. And I really don't want to go to 4th block.
All I really wanted to do today was stay home sick, in my sweats, lay in Taylor's bed all day, watch TV and eat some ice cream to soothe my sore throat and maybe talk to my best friend and my boyfriend a little.
Today's not a good day.
Sweet talk me, baby.
'Cause you know I like it more then I'd like to admit. It makes me smile, giggle, get that "butterfly" feeling in my tummy and all those silly girl things you see in the movies. Call me love and perfect, and all those sweet nouns and adjectives you use, but if you do, please act like you mean it. You know I'll believe anything when it's coming from you. Oh baby, my love, you make me smile from the inside out with those sweet words. Oh, so sweet words.
"Baby, don't stop what you're doing 'cause I'm loving it."
Does me writing this make you wanna puke too?
"Baby, don't stop what you're doing 'cause I'm loving it."
Does me writing this make you wanna puke too?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
If you really knew.
You think you know me but you really don't. Cause if you really knew me you'd know that I'm angry because I've been hurt. I hide behind mean words and snide remarks because they give me strength. Hurting you, hurts me but I can't help it.
If you really knew me you'd know why I can't smile as easily as you. You'd know that behind these brown eyes there are tears that I won't let out. And when I do, it won't be for a good reason, it'll be for your pity.
If you really knew me you'd know that negativity inhibits all of my being just like the flu; incasing me and throwing it at others as well. If you took the time to really get to know me you'd know I'm probably the saddest person you've ever met. But if you don't take the time you won't see it because that is what all my anger hides.
I put a wall between me and my feelings because that makes me feel less weak, more protected. It allows me to stand strong and front like not even Kryptonite can hurt me. I can make myself feel invincible but it's all a facade. I put up a wall between me and you because your getting to close, your going from thinking you know to knowing and that makes me feel vunerable. It makes me scared, you make me scared.
If you really knew me you'd know that I never let anyone get as close as I've let you get because the people closest to me are the ones who hurt me most.
If you really knew me you'd know why I can't smile as easily as you. You'd know that behind these brown eyes there are tears that I won't let out. And when I do, it won't be for a good reason, it'll be for your pity.
If you really knew me you'd know that negativity inhibits all of my being just like the flu; incasing me and throwing it at others as well. If you took the time to really get to know me you'd know I'm probably the saddest person you've ever met. But if you don't take the time you won't see it because that is what all my anger hides.
I put a wall between me and my feelings because that makes me feel less weak, more protected. It allows me to stand strong and front like not even Kryptonite can hurt me. I can make myself feel invincible but it's all a facade. I put up a wall between me and you because your getting to close, your going from thinking you know to knowing and that makes me feel vunerable. It makes me scared, you make me scared.
If you really knew me you'd know that I never let anyone get as close as I've let you get because the people closest to me are the ones who hurt me most.
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